Preface

Between Us: A Practical Guide for Couples

How to Build Clarity and Connection with the Couple Life Reflection Framework (CLRF)

This began with a habit: making sense of complexity. For years I designed and led systems — code, teams, organizations — by finding structure inside the noise. Eventually I noticed the same turbulence in the most important system I’m part of: a relationship. If we can map distributed systems, why not the living system between two people?

I didn’t want to choose between advice columns and raw emotion, so I started building a bridge: a way to hold logic and feeling at the same time. That is how the Couple Life Reflection Framework (CLRF) took shape — a simple way for two people to notice their conditions, needs, and functions, and turn that awareness into shared language and small, doable choices.

You don’t have to be an engineer to use this. Whether you write code, teach, design, lead, parent, or simply care about living together with intention, the same fundamentals help. We all meet familiar frictions — uncertainty, overload, misalignment, conflict — and we all want a steadier rhythm we can live with.

This framework is practical. It turns parallel monologues into a conversation you can navigate. The questions are light but pointed; they lower pressure and make it easier to say what’s true. You can use CLRF alone for self-reflection, together for decisions, or in small steps when time is scarce.

What you will find ahead:

• A clear map of conditions → needs → functions, so you can see where you are and what matters next.
• Short practices that fit real days, not ideal ones.
• Questions that help you hear each other without forcing a verdict.
• Ways to notice what already works — and to change what doesn’t — kindly and clearly.

If you’re here, something in you already believes a better rhythm is possible. Take a breath. Begin with one page, one question, one small agreement. Let that be enough for today.

Viktor Jevdokimov
Vilnius, 2025