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Chapter 7. Changes

Changes are the bridge between where you are and the future you want. They turn abstract wishes into concrete steps. Changes can be big or small — from a new daily habit to a life-shaping decision. Named clearly, they reduce fear and make progress feel possible.

1. Categories of change

  • Radical changes are big, life-shaping moves like relocating, switching careers, or deciding about children, and they only work when both partners bring courage and strong support to the table.
  • Compromise changes are fair agreements on chores, schedules, or family boundaries that reduce friction when they’re kept visible and realistic.
  • Micro-changes are quiet, daily habits—phones down at dinner, a compliment, morning coffee—that seem small in the moment but accumulate into a durable rhythm of connection and gratitude.

2. Gap analysis

Gap analysis compares the current state with the desired future:

  • Where we are now.
  • Where we want to be.
  • What steps could close the gap.

This simple lens turns vague frustration into a list of options you can try and helps couples move from doubt to clarity about what’s next.

3. Examples of changes

  • Little time together → weekly gadget-free evening (micro-change), a simple ritual that anchors closeness and calm.
  • Financial instability → joint budget and savings plan (radical), a shared step that lowers anxiety and builds trust.
  • Conflicts about chores → visible list and redistribution (compromise), a fair reset that reduces resentment and restores respect.

4. Shared and personal changes

Distinguish between:

  • Shared changes — what concerns the couple together.
  • Personal changes — what each does for themselves.

Progress comes from both directions. Encouraging a partner’s personal change turns it into shared pride. Taking on joint changes strengthens unity.

Conclusion

Change is not a single decision but an ongoing process. It asks for time, small adjustments, and space to revise the plan. Even tiny steps add up when they’re repeated. Approached with clarity and mutual support, changes stop feeling like pressure and start feeling like momentum toward growth.